i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
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