whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Randomize
