I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
In America we eat man semen.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
