Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
