Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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