I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
