i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
