Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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