I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
you traded sex for a burrito?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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