Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Where did you get a picture of my penis
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
