Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
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Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
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I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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