whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Randomize
