Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
