Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
