For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
