If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
As shirtless as possible
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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