Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
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