I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
