dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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