Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
