My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
