i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
