I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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