Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
