just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
