Can i not drive my cunt home
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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