For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
