Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Randomize
