Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
