we need to drink 2009 down the drain
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
