A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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