i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
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