i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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