dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
