Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
