Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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