my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
