Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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