I will die if light touches me.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
meet me or not, i'm out of control
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
