**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
