Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
You peed on a flamingo?!?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
