just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
