i need an iv and a liver transplant
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
BRING THE BAGELS
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
