6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
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Clothes are such an inconvenience.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
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I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
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