I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
