theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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