5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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