I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
