Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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