I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
