stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
