You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
