I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
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currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
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I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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