you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
