i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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