I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
