FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize