Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
