Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
