So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
that is very illegal...i love you.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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