you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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