my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
