I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
