so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize