the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
