Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
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