11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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