i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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