All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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