I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
