So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
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