i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Of course I have a pirate flag
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
