I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
