and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
