Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
